Wednesday, November 4, 2009

End of Daylight Savings Time
brings out freaks one hour earlier

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. - Danielle Mills of Zionsville couldn’t believe her eyes as she finished her usual Tuesday night grocery shopping. Teams of freaks, wearing leather jackets, real tight pants, plus rips and zippers all in their shirts strutted passed her at the Marsh Supermarket on Michigan Rd. Danielle is not alone. A number of Hoosiers have noticed a rise in freaks since Sunday’s return to Eastern Standard Time.

Freaks, a cultural group identified by their funky-fresh clothing style, superb love-making abilities and proclivity towards darkness, traditionally wait for nightfall before entering wide-open spaces. Now they are taking to the streets like white on rice.

Many are surprised by the popularity of this subculture. But Dr. John Wilkins, professor of cultural anthropology at Butler University, claims it is more common than most realize.

“Trust me. There are a lot of freaks out there,” Wilkins said. “My first wife, for example, was a huge freak. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. But they’re commonly very secretive. There’s a good chance you could know someone the majority of your life, oblivious to their freak-nature, that is – until you see them at night.”

Many welcome the freaks as a refreshing change to the early evening. Struggling nightclubs and twenty-four hour fast food drive-ins are two industries hoping to cash in.

“This will certainly help Indiana shake-off the recession quicker than years past,” said Jane Jankowski, Press Secretary to Governor Daniels. “This was one of the many factors considered by the Daniels administration before implementing the time change. Just think, this time last week, you couldn’t find a good freak anywhere. And have you heard about their lovemaking skills?”

Story by C. Bommarito