Sunday, November 22, 2009

Another pilot arrested for being over legal limit

LONDON - Another United Airlines pilot was arrested for being over the legal alcohol limit before attempting to fly Tuesday night. Steven Delaware Montana was arrested minutes before his plane was ready to take off for a transatlantic flight from London's Heathrow Airport to Chicago's O'Hare.

"If these allegations are true we'll have to seriously look into suspending Mr. Washington without pay for a few weeks," says United Airlines DEA Tim Hemmingway.

There were several signs Mr. Montana may have been over the recognized blood alcohol legal limit of 0.08. An hour before the flight Mr. Montana was seen at the airport TGI Fridays dancing on a table and singing to the song Escape by Rupert Holmes. Montana was also overheard challenging two 5 year-old boys to a game of quarters and said they could have the option to drink their juice or his beer, which he promised keep secret from their parents.

"He seemed a little out of sorts," says Wendy Paulus a passenger on board flight 008. "After he left TGIFridays he went into that golf store and began screaming 'fore' over and over again."

"He came into the airport bookstore and asked me where our porn section was," says bookstore clerk Helen Gray. "I told him we had Playboy and Penthouse but he said that shit was for 8 years-olds and he needed a real man's porn magazine."

The final straw was vomiting in the tunnel on his way to the plane. This alerted authorities. As the flight attendant explained the safety procedures he took the microphone away and asked if anyone wanted to find out why they call the front of the plane the 'cockpit'. He welcomed men or women and instructed them to knock three times so he'd know it was someone ready to "get it on."

Authorities boarded the plane just minutes before the 767 was ready for takeoff and arrested Montana without incident. As he was being taken away Montana was heard saying "If you think I'm over the alcohol limit, then you better not test me for weed or LSD!"

United Airlines canceled Flight 008 and passengers were placed on alternative, alcohol-free flights.

Story by Dudley Dawson