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Friday, July 30, 2010

Friday Sports Shorts


Rubbin is Racin, even in the skies

NASCAR's Roush Fenway team owner, Jack Roush, was in a plane crash near Oshkosh Wisconsin this week and escaped with only minor injuries. Witnesses on the ground reported the Roush Beechcraft Premier plane was flying toward the airport when the Team Penske Citation X plane suddenly cut it off. The Roush plane then crept up behind the Penske plane, drafted for a bit, and went for a last descent pass to hit the runway first. Unfortunately, just as Team Rousch made the pass, Team Penske clipped the tail sending the Beechcraft in for a rough landing.

Roush was found angrily hitting his white cowboy hat against the side of the busted plane exclaiming "Them Dukes! Them Dukes," as emergency vehicles arrived.

Baseball Trade Deadline Looms

This Saturday marks the MLB trade deadline. And thus far action has been sparse. Cliff Lee was traded from the Mariners to the Rangers and Roy Oswalt from the Astros to the Phillies. However, one team owner decided to go the extra mile in his never ending quest to build the most dominant dynasty ever.

Former living New York Yankees General Manager, George Steinbrenner, has taken control of the Yankees of the afterlife. Once he made his transition to Hell (last week), he immediately took control over all former Yankee greats including Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Joe Dimaggio and Roger Maris. When Steinbrenner purchased the Yankees he cleverly worked in a clause to purchase the soul of every player who has and will ever wear a Yankee uniform.

Initially, Steinbrenner was interested in going after Ted Williams as well, but Williams has seen a dramatic decrease in productivity due to his lack of a head. At this upcoming deadline he's been hard at work trying to deal for Roberto Clemente and Pete Rose.

Ed note: The rights to Pete Rose's soul currently belongs to the Devil.

More Trouble for IUPUI Athletics

This week the Indianapolis Star reported the Women's Jaguar Basketball team is looking into emotionally abusive coaches.

School officials became suspicious when Freshman Guard, Shea Collins, missed three games after being listed as suffering from a bruised ego and Junoir Forward, Kerah Nelson had, to be pulled in the 3rd quarter of a critical game with sore feelings.

Reporting by C. Bommarito, Dudley Dawson & Hate Nurst