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Friday, July 2, 2010

Friday Sports Shorts









NBA free agency kicks off

On Thursday the NBA free agency kicks off. This has also been identified as the Lebron James sweepstakes. Many teams have made efforts to completely dismantle their rosters in the hopes they'll land the highly coveted star. The New York Knicks have led the way in this charge, putting all their eggs in the Lebron basket. However, one problem has shown up that Knicks management forgot to address; they've dismantled the team to the point where Lebron won't have a supporting cast.

"We sort of forgot about the fact that he wants to win championships," says Knicks GM Donnie Walsh. "We cleared all of our good players out to have the money. It's all about spin, though. We've started referring to Wilson Chandler and Eddie House as 'Future Hall of Famers' to make Lebron think he's got some good guys to play with here."

To make up for the team's short comings, the Knicks have attempted to woo Lebron in other ways.

They have enlisted local celebrities and the NYC mayor to lobby Lebron. Tracy Morgan, Spike Lee, Alec Baldwin, and Donald Trump headline a low budget version of the Westside story. The reason they made this video and how it could possibly influence Lebron's decision to come to the Knicks is still undetermined.

"I'm prepared to do whatever it takes," says Bloomberg. "We've already started by dedicating July 1st as Lebron James Day in New York. We'll also replace the Statue of Liberty with one of King James. I've also named Elliot Spitzer as head of our new Lebron James entertainment task force."

Zen Master back for another Round

Phil Jackson decided this week that he will return to coach the Lakers next season. After deciphering the Zen Masters comments on the decision, it is clear that he is eager to defend the title of the two time champions.

"Namaste. My mind opens. The inner light within points toward a sphere of golden bliss times 3. Loads of jewels will be bestowed upon my fingers, as the glimmer from them will blind and moderate all opponents who seek it. The nearest season is a plentiful, endowed escort."

Or he could have been talking about a hooker.

Wimbledon update

Roger Federer gets knocked out of tournament. John Isner and Nicolas Mahut are still playing.

Cubs have shown excellent consistency so far this year

As the 2010 baseball season closes in on the halfway point, the characteristics of each team are well defined. The New York Yankees and the LA Dodgers are at the top, as usual, with the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Kansas City Royals are at the bottom. The Chicago Cubs are yet to hit their stride but General Manager, Jim Hendry, urges Cubs fans to be blindly hopeful.

"Despite the fact that we're 11 games below .500 I'd say we've shown an ability to be consistent," says Hendry. "You can't argue with the stats. We don't just lose to good teams. We lose equally well to bad teams too! Plus, no team is better at stranding runners in scoring position. Shoot, if we had a man on second and third with no outs, I'd be the first to tell you to place your life savings on the fact that neither of those guys will score."

The Cubs consistent trends this season are continuations of the past few seasons and have turned into general rules Cubs fans can now count on.

1. Carlos Zambrano will have a melt down. Check.

2. The Cubs will be near the top of the league in home runs but near the bottom in RBI's.

3. The Cubs will finish dead last in stolen bases. Seriously, can they just sign Usain Bolt to pinch run?

4. The Cubs will lead the league in Quality Starts. Which is fantastic but holding opponents to three runs a game isn't helpful unless your team scores one run.