Thursday, July 1, 2010

Authorities Confiscate More Than Cars at Durham Estate

Authorities raided Tim Durham's Geist residence yesterday afternoon. The former big shot's prized car collection was confiscated to recoup a portion of the money he allegedly purloined from investors. A total of eighteen cars were picked up including his Lamborghini, Bentley Flying Spur, Ferrari and 1969 Mustang.

"This is only the first step," said Federal Investigator Vince Biancini. "We're going to dig deeper to really make him pay. We can't get every penny back for these folks but we're sure as hell going to try."

In addition to his prized car collection, Durham was forced to turn over his U.S.state quarter collection, his rare Nickelback vinyl LPs, plus his baseball and Pokemon trading cards. This collection included his signed, extremely rare, 1987 Billy Ripkin Fleer baseball card that featured Ripkin holding a bat with the inscription "fuck face" on it.

"I have no regrets," said an even-tempered Durham."They're taking it all away from me, but at least I can say I owned a complete set of Pikachu, including the rare card with him and Lyra. I'll treasure holding those cards and jamming out to Nickelback forever. Oh yeah, banging all those Playmates was pretty cool too, just try taking that back bitches."

Story by Dudley Dawson