Saturday, June 19, 2010


NBA Finals were Fantastic!

Game seven of the NBA finals did not disappoint! Both teams prepared for what was sure to be an epic battle for the championship trophy. First Boston came out in green and white and scored through the hoop, but then the Lakers, in gold and purple, were able to score some buckets of their own. Kobe Bryant hit some major baskets as well as a couple slam dunks, only to be answered by Kevin Granett’s slams. A shaded Jack Nicholson watched intently when Ron Artest and Rasheed Wallace shouted and made some fouls. The whole thing was bananas really. All in all the better team won the championship when the outcome was determined by the most points scored. Just kidding. We don’t have a fuckin’ clue of what happened. Does anyone still watch this shit?

Operation Junkshot Adds Targets

The United States men's soccer team made a remarkable comeback Friday to finish with a 2-2 tie against upstart Slovenia. Down 2-0 after the first half, the American's chances of advancing in the World Cup dwindled. Then Landon Donovan scored a goal and coach's son Michael Bradley tied the game at the 81 minutes. Then the bullshit came. At 86 minutes US forward Maurice Edu appeared to have scored a goal to give them the lead. But a foul was called by Koman Coulibaly - Mali's version of Jim Joyce - and the goal was denied due. Post-game review reveals no such foul and actually shows three different American players being pushed and pulled to the ground by their opponents.

"This is an outrage," says Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. "The US hasn't been robbed like this since the Russians beat us in basketball in the 70's. We've decided to expand our BP dedicated 'Operation Junkshot' to anyone who does our country wrong. Add Coulibaly to the list."

Previously, the Indianapoliser reported on President Obama's new initiative that takes action against the BP executives. That plan is Operation Junkshot. A new operation, "Operation Handball" will be led by former US soccer star Alexi Lalas. The primary goal is to blast Coulibaly in the nether region.

Oddsmakers think Pacers won't improve much this offseason

The upcoming NBA draft is a chance for teams to improve from the year before. Lately the Pacers tend to end up with somewhere between the 10th and 15th pick. Good enough to maybe find a role player but not enough to get a superstar. Late in the season the blue and gold had a legitimate shot at sure things John Wall or Evan Turner. Now their options include players that could be either 'ok' NBA players or complete busts. Belterra Casino oddsmakers have come up with with several scenarios for the Pacers and placed betting lines on each. Which one will you bet on?

Draft Daniel Orton of Kentucky: odds 6 to 1. This guy averaged 0 points per game his senior year of high school and 3 points per game his freshman year. Red flag and red flag.

Draft Ed Davis from North Carolina: odds 4 to 1. Injured most of last year and is expected to be a Power Forward at only 215 pounds. Red flag and red flag.

Draft John Wall from Kentucky: odds 200,000,000 to 1. Maybe, just maybe the 9 teams drafting ahead of the Pacers will forget Wall is available. (Fingers crossed!)

Draft Larry Bird from Indiana State: odds 300 to 1. Why not? He can probably still out shoot everyone on the team.

Trade pick and half the team to free up cap room and sign Lebron James: odds Infinity to 1. A Pacers fan can dream, can't they? (Note: if you place a bet on this and win, you will be provided $1,000 every hour for the rest of your life).

On the upside, they do have a winning record in the month of March!

Reporting by Dudley Dawson & Hate Nurst