Saturday, June 5, 2010

Belated FSS

Rally for Reggie

The Indianapoliser will hold its first annual telethon to raise money for a worthy cause. As reported in The Indianapolis Star yesterday morning, Reggie Wayne will skip Colts mini-camp because he is grossly underpaid. Apparently $11 million over the next two years is not enough to put a down payment on that dream lakehouse up in Cicero he's always wanted. I mean, shit, you do the math; At $5.47 million this year, that's only $341,875 over a sixteen game season. If he averages eight catches per game, that's only a paltry $42,734 per catch! How is he supposed to support a high-maintenance mistress making that kind of cheddar?

The "Rally for Reggie" 48 hour telethon aims to provide the neglected wide receive with the extra $3-4 million he so richly deserves. Forget that the last time we saw Reg he was running the wrong route and watching Tracy-Freaking-Porter strut down the sideline with our championship (Go Hoosiers!), Reggie needs us now. And only you can make it happen. If we exceed our $4M goal we'll throw some table scraps to fellow holdout Robert Mathis. And we promise no money raised will be spent on the poor, needy or underprivileged. When our community sports gods need us, we rally. Telethon details are forthcoming.

R.I.P. Coach Wooden

Legendary coach John Wooden died yesterday at the age of 99. Martinsville city officials would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone Coach Wooden was indeed from Martinsville and there are many great things about Martinsville that have nothing to do with Coach Wooden. When asked to elaborate town officials sort of trialed-off then briskly walked away.

Ken Griffey Jr. Retires

It's a sad day anytime someone simply known as "Junior" retires, it's kind of like calling a grown-ass man "Scotty."

The baseball legend decided to hang up his jock after more than 2,600 games played and 630 home runs. Earlier this week, nervous teammates drew straws to decide who would wake Girffey from his clubhouse nap to tell him the news.

Reporting by C Bommarito & Jackson Livingston