Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Obama plans to boost economy
by encouraging Americans to go clubbing

President Obama will outline his plan to fix our lagging economy and create more jobs in detail during tonight's State of the Union address. In a statement this morning the administration announced it will roll out a new stimulus program to encourage all Americans to go out and mix it up in the club scene. Obama, joined by Vice President Joe Biden, will begin personally touring the country in February.

"There's been a lot of talk about stimulating the economy this year. But let me tell you, ol' Joe shines when it comes to stimulating the ladies," said Biden. “This is first hand shit too. The service industry has been hit very hard this year. Now, can a Veep get a table dance?”

The tour will begin on the east coast, in the most densely populated club districts, and is expected to reach Indiana by early summer. Stops will include the Wednesday night Retro Rewind at the Vogue, Ike and Jonesy's, Have a Nice Day Cafe and the 8 Second Saloon. Initially the Red Room and ICE Lounge were on the itinerary, however since this is taxpayer money, the administration will try to use the stimulus money as frugally as possible.