Monday, January 11, 2010

Fabio admits he could
believe it wasn’t butter

RANCHO CUCAMONGA -- For years Fabio Lanzoni proclaimed to the world he couldn’t believe the spread he peddled wasn’t actually butter. His words resonated true with the millions who believed him and purchased the delicious creamy yellow spread. That was the 90s and early 00s. However, in a statement released today, the Milan, Italy native admitted that he could, in fact, believe it was not butter.

According his statement, Fabio knew it wasn’t butter from 1996-1997 and again from 2001- 2003. The Indianapoliser’s Senior Fermented Cream Correspondent, Dudley Dawson, sat down with Fabio to discuss this startling revelation.

Dudley Dawson: Fabio, Churn Illustrated is reporting you tested positive, for knowing your spread wasn’t butter, back in 2003. What's the truth?

Fabio Lanzoni: When I came on the scene in 1989 as the cover model of Ironsword: Wizards and Warriors II, I felt an enormous amount of pressure. As I gained jobs, the pressure got greater. In 2001 it felt like I had all the weight of the world on top of me and I still needed to make people believe I didn’t feel it wasn’t butter.

Back in the 90’s it was a different culture. I was young. I was ripped like nobody's business. I was stupid. I was naïve. I thought surely I couldn’t believe it wasn’t butter and I wanted to prove it to everyone. By 2001 I did believe it wasn’t butter and for that I’m very sorry and deeply regretful.

DD: You’re saying that the time period was 2001, ‘2, ‘3?

FL: That’s pretty accurate, yes. And maybe a little in the 90s.

DD: What did you actually believe it was?

FL: Dudley, that’s the thing. Again, it was such a loosey-goosey era. I’m guilty for a lot of things. I’m guilty for being negligent, naïve, not asking all the right questions like whether or not it was fermented cream or milk. How large the saturated hydrocarbons were. And to be quite honest, I don’t know exactly what substance I thought it was instead of butter at that time.

DD: Now when did you get the wake up call that it wasn’t butter?

FL: It wasn’t until 2001. I was laying in my bed in Astonish, Arizona. We were doing team churning conditioning down by the pool in Arizona. And I suffered a very serious taste bud injury that went all the way down my throat. I missed about two and a half weeks of Nora Roberts love novel shoots.

I had a streak of 400 Bertrice Small and Nora Roberts shoots, or 300, I’m not sure what the number was. But it was that point in bed that I realized, what am I doing? I’m lying to everyone.

It was time to grow up, stop being selfish, stop being stupid and take control of whatever I was ingesting.

DD: Let’s go back. How were you introduced to these butter substitutes? Was it at the gym? Was it from other butter spokesmen? Mrs. Buttersworth?

FL: The culture, it was pretty prevalent. There were a lot of people saying they too couldn’t believe it wasn’t butter. There was a lot of gray area too. You know, back then you could walk into a Moo and Oink and get four or five different products that you couldn’t believe wasn’t butter but would probably trigger a positive test that you could believe it wasn’t butter.

DD: To talk a little bit about the culture. It was an underground culture. An actor said to me last summer that he really believes in that period between about 1998 and 2004, that actors who claimed they couldn’t believe it wasn’t butter were blatantly lying to the public.

FL: I think you just felt a tremendous need to keep up and to perform well. You know, it was hot everyday at the shoot. It was over 100 degrees in the studio we shot all of the commercials. You know, you felt like, without trying to over investigate what you’re tasting, can I not believe it isn’t butter?

If I was a fan, a fan of mine, a fan of ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ I would be very pissed off. And I can’t take that back.

I want to do things to influence children and realize they should learn from my mistake because, you know, it’s the biggest regret I have in my life because ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ has given me everything, and I have so much respect.

There will be some people that say, 'you know, Fabio is not a great spokesperson, going back to Nintendo game covers and Acapulco H.E.A.T.,' I mean, they’re just going to have this blanket cloud over my career. They have their own point but it feels good coming out, being completely honest, putting it out there and realizing the more honest we all are, the quicker we get people really truly not believing that it isn’t butter.

DD: Fabio, what will you tell kids around the world?

FL: You know, work hard. What you believe is enough. You know, believe in yourself and even you won’t believe it’s not butter.

DD: What do you think the headline will be tomorrow in Milan?

FL: I have no idea. I mean, you know, the one good thing is, I feel the truth will always set you free.

DD: Thank you.

Reporting by Dudley Dawson