Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday Sports Shorts

Meal Time for Session

Clint Session saw his first preseason action against the Green Bay
Packers last night. Session has been limited since last years Super
Bowl. "I haven't hit anybody since the Super Bowl and I had a bad
taste in my mouth after that game," Session told the Indianapolis Star
this week. "After the Super Bowl I fell into my offseason routine of
feeding on the flesh of dead bodies," Session continued. "At some
point I must have come in contact with some salmonella. It kind of
gave me a belly ache. But I'm ready to devour some live humans again.
It's time to get a good taste in my mouth now."

Pippen Ain't Easy

The Chicago Bulls announced plans to unveil a bronze statue of
seven-time NBA All-Star Scottie Pippen at the end of next season.
However, structural flaws will not allow the statue to stand on its
own. It will stand, but only when propped up by the nearby Michael
Jordan statue. Surviving Bulls fans wishing to see the new statue
should come early in the morning. The afternoon sun will cause
Jordan's statue to cast a long shadow, completely eclipsing Pippen.

Pacer player learning from on of the best

To improve himself as an NBA player and as a person, Brandon Rush has been taking lessons from one of the NBA greats. Even though they don't play the same position, Rush has been studying under former center Bill Walton. On the court, learning certain post moves will help Rush set up smaller shooting guards in the future. Off the court, Walton has introduced Rush to the Grateful Dead, tie dye shirts, and bongo drums. Over the entire last season Rush spent his days off with Walton, learning the different ways an individual can free their minds.

This past Friday Rush was handed a 5 game suspension for violating the leagues substance abuse policy after failing three drug tests during last season.

Stories by C. Bommarito, Hate Nurst, and Dudley Dawson