Olivo Exposes Stones while Passing Another

Bear wrestler, God of Pain and part-time catcher for the Colorado Rockies, Miguel Olivo, passed a kidney stone while breaking for the 8th inning of the Rockies-Diamondbacks game Monday night. Olivo and his onions took the field right after the stone had passed. The Throbbing One mentioned that he did experience some discomfort, but not from the kidney stone passing through his urethra.

“I had some trouble getting my gigantic balls back into my jockstrap,” said Magnum Miguel. It was later discovered that Olivo also plays cup-less while catching. “They don’t make a cup that fits my massive testicles.”

Manny Pacquiao Inspires Holyfield

Boxing champion Manny Pacquiao, announced his candidacy for a Philippine congressional seat in one of the nation's poorest provinces this week.

This move motivated Evander "The Real Deal" Holyfield to make a run for congress as well. The former boxer, who was hit with a tax lien against his home in in 2009 for owing more than $145,000 in back taxes, has instant credibility with the anti-tax Tea Party and will seek their endorsement.

Reporting by C. Bommarito and Hate Nurst