Friday, March 12, 2010

Rothlisberger: Dumbass

Big, dumb meathead, Ben Rothlisberger, could be facing sexual assault charges soon. The ape-like quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers allegedly became forceful with a 20-year-old college student he met in a Georgia nightclub. He faced similar allegations last year at a Lake Tahoe resort.

Some speculate Rothlisberger suffered damage to the part of the brain that hears women say “no” when he crashed his motorcycle, while not wearing a helmet, in 2006 - an act that seems especially stupid, considering the blockhead is required to wear a helmet for his day job.

Many NFL players are already speaking out against Rothlisberger. “Kill’n some dogs don’t seem so bad now does it,” asked an elated Michael Vick earlier today.

Pacers Tipping Their Hand for Upcoming Draft

The New Jersey Nets will almost certainly finish with the worst record in the NBA this season. But the Pacers have a clear chance to finish with the second worst record and have a legitimate shot at the number one pick in the 2010 draft.

Pacer coach Jim O’Brien announced today, whenever they pick, they will not take either point guard, John Wall or Evan Turner. O’Brien would like to fill that position with a healthy Jeff Foster next season.

The Pacers coaching staff feels that if Foster had stayed healthy this would have been a very different season. They believe his athleticism, ball-handling ability and passing skills are key to the Pacers building a winning future.

Drunk Angler Enters 16.5 pound Fish

A Southern Indiana man awoke from a beer induced coma to discover he reeled in a 16.5 pound Bowfin fish. The Department of Natural Resources reported the fish broke the 1988 Fish of the Year record of 16 pounds. The DNR also reported 54 fish were entered for Fish of the Year in which 54 of those submitting were cited for being under the influence of alcohol, tying a record of every year Fish of the Year has been in existence with a 100 percent hook to inebriation ratio.

Hoosiers’ Season Comes to a Sad End

IU closed out another lackluster season last night at Conseco Fieldhouse, losing to Northwestern 73-58 in the first round of the Big Ten Tournament. After the game Coach Crean promised to roar back next season with a slightly improved offense and pledged to make another incremental baby-step towards IU’s former glory.