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Friday, May 14, 2010









Mini Marathon Started with Monster Attack

Saturday's OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini-Marathon drew approximately 35,000 people, once again deeming the race a success. The first Mini-Marathon, however, took place out of necessity when a carnival of monsters attacked the small village of Indianapolis, chasing about 40 villagers through the west side, around the old dirt pig racing track (now the Indianapolis Motor Speedway) and back to the center of the village. Most of the villagers lost their lives that day as the monster finally caught up with them and tore limbs from bodies and heads off of necks. The monsters used the limbs to bat the heads around a grassy knoll on the Southwest side of town. This event spawned the first AAA baseball team in Indianapolis, now known as the Indianapolis Indians.


Conseco Fieldhouse gets new name

Carmel based Insurer Conseco Inc. changed its name to CNO Financial Group this week, prompting the Indiana Pacers to rename Conseco Fieldhouse to Tits and Ass Court.

"Our demographic research shows the majority of NBA fans, males ages 17 to 45, really enjoy tits and ass, or T&A as we've been calling it around the office," says Pacers Chief of Court Naming Rex Newsome.

To reinforce the T&A concept, the Pacers Entertainment Group will replace the Pacemates with entertainers from area strip clubs every fifth home game. Those games will require anyone under the age of 18 to be accompanied by an adult. It's too early to know if this strategic gamble will pay off, but one-fifth of home games have already sold out.


Lebron sweepstakes expands outside of NBA

This week's Cleveland Cavaliers series loss to the Boston Celtics officially opens the speculation as to where superstar Lebron James will play next year. Cleveland hopes to retain its star but the New York Knicks, Chicago Bulls, and New Jersey Nets have all been rumored to make a play on this year's league MVP.

The ABA Lake Michigan Admirals have announced they will also make a play for James. Coming off a 15 - 6 season and an ABA final 4 appearance at the South Suburban College Fieldhouse in Chicago, the Admirals feel primed to go after a big name player. The team, based out of Benton Harbor Michigan, plans to prove they're serious by expanding their home court gym at Lake Michigan Catholic High School from a capacity of 600 to 650.

Their offer has been rumored to be an 8 year $4500 contract. The Admirals have also offered to rename streets in Benton Harbor to whatever Lebron chooses and have promised to ensure he receives a 15% discount at Denny's and Outback. The Lake Michigan Admirals hope its an offer Lebron considers.