Friday, May 21, 2010

Hazed and Confused

Four former Carmel boys basketball team members were charged with misdemeanor charges of battery and criminal recklessness this week. A documentary about the troubled team is currently being filmed. Producers are still working on a title. Their first choice, Teen Anal Penetration with a Cell Phone was already taken by a wildly popular adult film franchise. New choices include: Hoop Screams, Lane Violations, Blue Chops, Back-Door Cuts, Personal Space Jam and The Hurt Locker 2.

Lebron’s Mom Moves West

Last week several sports blogs reported rumors that Lebron James’ mother had an intimate relationship with his teammate Delonte West. This relationship is said to have upset team chemistry during the playoffs.

All parties involved, including LeBron’s lawyer, have denied the rumors. Yet King James recently said he has become more suspicious after he asked West to grab some extra balls out of the bin during practice. West responded, “That’s what your mom said.”

Other teammates also doubted the rumors, citing that LeBron's mama's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning. The coaching staff was skeptical as well. One coach noted LeBron's mama's so so stupid she sold her car for gas money.

Talkin' Track

The Indianapoliser Track Squad (T.I.T.S) went trackside this week to cover all the action at the IMS. Several drivers had lots of track time. Some cars were even able to reach really, really fast speeds. While other drivers were not so lucky and may or may not have crashed into the wall in one of the four turns.

T.I.T.S also investigated a freshly packed Igloo cooler found in the infield. Inside the Squad uncovered countless ice cold Pabst Blue Ribbon Light beers and a couple ham on rye sandwiches. Several coeds joined T.I.T.S. and enjoyed the slightly favorable conditions from the infield. Nighttime rain provided an ideal setting for a mudslide competition in turn four. Many white t-shirted women were able to expose themselves to crowds of racing enthusiasts creating a great deal of excitement.

Reporting by C. Bommarito, Dudley Dawson and Hate Nurst