Monday, May 10, 2010

Goth Tech Firm Launches
Anti-Social Networking Website

SILICON VALLEY, CA. -- Frownees Inc. announced today the startup of the first website aimed at keeping goth kids disconnected from their peers and acquaintances. Gazebook uses an interface reminiscent of Facebook, but with features specifically designed for tortured souls.

"We want to revolutionize the way goth kids avoid communicating with each other," said Orion, Dark Lord of Frownees Inc. "For example, you won't find 'friend requests' on Gazebook. Instead users will find options to link up with their favorite non-conformist retailers like our corporate sponsor, Hot Topic."

The homepage of Gazebook is set up much like a journal. Users set up profiles with which to publish rants about the establishment, unfair practices by conformists, and hair glue reviews. The profiles are viewable only to the publisher and like-minded non-conformists.

A special security feature takes privacy one step further than most social networking sites. Any new member must answer a series of questions to establish their credibility as a non-conformist. This extra layer is intended to protect users from wedgies at the hands of jocks or any sort of prying by nosey parents. Gazebook aims to keep the user completely isolated from the cruel outside world.

Frownees hopes that their new profile search engine, GRPTHINK, will revolutionize the way non-conformists link up with each other. "We adopted an engine similar to the ones used on online dating sites," says Death, Senior Dungeon Master for Frownees. "We carefully ensure
that no two goth kids' profiles are linked unless they have the exact same political and social opinions."

The launch of the website has been endorsed by numerous bands who are reported to have achieved some level of fame. The Sisters of Mercy and The Cure set up the first two corporate profiles in hopes to attract more followers.
Story by E. Goldberg