Saturday, October 17, 2009

Carrot Top nominated
for Secretary of Hilarity

WASHINGTON D.C. -- Rumors have been floating around the nation's capital for weeks, and today President Obama confirmed that prop comedian Carrot Top is his choice for Secretary of Hilarity. Though his choice to fill the cabinet office after 34 years of vacancy came as a surprise to many, his choice for the seat did not.

Several of the President's nominees have withdrawn their names due to undisclosed tax liabilities. When Pres. Obama's choice for the Sec. of Treasury, Willie Nelson, became the latest nominee to withdraw from consideration due to tax issues, many felt that the President's next nomination needed to carry no political risk during the confirmation process.

“Carrot Top is a fantastic choice for the Office of Hilarity due to the family-friendly nature of his comedy and his lack of name recognition,” said Louis Calulous, the man in charge of the vetting process for Obama’s transition team.

Records released today by Calulous show that Carrot Top's annual salary for the last 8 years averaged $172.89, primarily from children's parties. “The IRS doesn't require a return to be filed by self-employed persons making less than $400 a year,” said Calulous. “I’d like to see the Republicans try to find fault with Carrot Top.”

If confirmed, Carrot Top will take charge of the President's new healthcare initiative, Humor As Healthcare Agenda, or HAHA.

“We feel that laughter really is the best medicine,” the President today in his weekly radio address. “As a country, will be able to save billions a year on medical expenses by laughing a little more – and Carrot Top is the man to lead that charge.”

Carrot Top attended the press conference today at the President’s side, excitedly shifting his weight from foot to foot. When he finally took to center stage, the only thing he said was, “Oh my god, you gotta see this. This is so cool.”

He reached into a trunk next to the President and pulled out a telephone book taped to a paper giraffe. And with that, the press conference ended and a new chapter in our Nation’s comedic history began.

Story by Ed Rudisell