Friday, January 21, 2011

Friday Sports Shorts

Stephenson Attempts a Three!

According to BlackSportsOnline a prostitute named Candy DeepThroat has accused Indiana Pacers Sitting-Guard, Lance Stephenson, of --eh-hum-- stiffing her $1000 for a threesome sexual act.

But, most fans have difficulty swallowing DeepThroat’s story. Everyone knows the guard can't handle double coverage.

Shouts and Ladders

Seattle Mariners outfielder, Milton Bradley, was arrested Tuesday morning on suspicion of making criminal threats, a felony offense. Fortunately the major leaguer is no stranger to Trouble and had a Get-Out-of-Jail Free card. He was released promptly, but officials will not confirm whether or not he passed Go or collected $200. If convicted he could be facing the Game of Life without parole. This will no doubt put him on Thin Ice with team manager Eric Wedge

Bradley’s agent released a statement earlier today that simply said, “Sorry!”

Hide Yo' Keds Hide Yo' Wives!

The NFL has issued a strong warning to all women who plan to attend this Sunday's AFC championship game in Pittsburgh.

Those seated near the Steelers sideline are advised keep an eye out for serial rapist Ben Roethlisberger. Women are also discouraged from visiting Pittsburgh night clubs this weekend and strongly encouraged to use the buddy-system when visiting the restroom.

Women seated near the opposing sideline, are advised to look-out for foot-fetish coach Rex Ryan. Experts believe Ryan developed a sexual appetite for feet after tasting his own foot, which he traditionally places in his mouth during his weekly press conference. Open-toed shoes have been banned at the stadium for the game, as a further precaution.

Reporting by C. Bommarito and Dudley Dawson